When dating, it is important to keep asking ourselves, what matters most to me? Am I over-compromising to avoid hurting someone else? Am I going outside of my deeper needs zone in hopes someone will change later? Am I judging myself unfavorably for my unique needs instead of honoring these? We may have heard advice like this many times. Practicing it, however, is an art.
We all have the idea of a dream relationship. But what of that is fantasy and what is truly what serves us? The more we clarify what truly meets and serves us to ourselves, the more able we are to find and appreciate that one special person!
Here is the good news. Every time we say no, we get closer to meeting a mate who will be a great match. Every time we say no, we let someone else go free to find someone who will love them for who they are! Saying no is a good thing when saying yes will lead to disappointment and a more painful heart-aching no down the road!
Here are some examples of how saying now libertates both parties:
You want to spend a lot of your weekend integrating quietly from the busy work week. You need the down time. You want to meditate and walk in silence. Your ideal mate will often like a quiet weekend at home too.
However, you think it will be hard to find the right one, because people on spiritual and green dating sites seem to be active, attending seminars and gatherings, building green-homes, doing external activities to help the world, etc. So you go on a lot of dates with active people while privately feeling drained. Actually you are wasting everyone’s time. Specify to the universe what it is that you do desire, have some patience, and allow that person to come. Then you have two happy people instead of two disappointed ones!
Example number two: You had a strong sex drive for decades but in recent years you changed! You think this will be unappealing so you comment a lot about your past sexual experiences. You are dishonoring yourself and your date! If you tell the truth, you may find out that your date’s needs are compatible. We all go through changes. You can find out if you and your potential partner can be creative in compromise and discovering new ways of intimacy in new life phases. And if you are not compatible, you can free both of you up to find out who is.
Another example: In your ideal world you are so flexible that you would move around the world. In the reality of your life schedule, it’s hard to even get two days off in a row! Be realistic with yourself. There is a great match for who you are, how you live, and what matters to you. Keeping saying no to what doesn’t work! Be true to who you are instead of who you think you should be. This way, you and others can more quickly find what does.
Now for the deeper aspects of compatibility: Let’s say you have some very unique ideas, or feelings, or experiences, Maybe you talk to animals or angels. Maybe you plan to build and live in a eco-dome in Costa Rica. Maybe you are psychic. You wish to be loved for who you are! Be upfront quickly. Let dates know who you are. If you send someone running for the hills, great! It just wasn’t meant to be and now there is room to find what is! Someone is going to love you for your uniqueness. Let that person find you by clearing out the rest. Someone is going to be loved by you for their uniqueness. Let yourself find them by releasing anyone who isn’t a wonderful match!